“But What About Socialization?” The Cliche Homeschool Question

I was scrolling a homeschool group and came across someone asking how to respond to their family who was pushing for the kids to go to public school because those children would need socialization. It’s not as if this post was something new. Absolutely every homeschooler in America has heard the question or concern. “However will you manage to socialize your child when you opt to educate them outside of public or private school?” “However will they learn what they need to be normal?” Normal, as if that word means ANYTHING in the “real world.” And sure, we all usually have some practiced polite response that we give. Sometimes we just shrug it off and let it be. Rarely does it come from someone actually concerned about genuine socialization skills. And almost never does it come from someone who has thought through what “socialization,” actually means. And while most of us tend to give some polite practiced response, here is what goes through all of our minds.

“What is it about the public school model that makes you feel it has superior socialization skills? What of the socialization skills you practiced in school have you found you could have only learned through school?

Is it the raising your hand to do anything? How about walking in straight lines. The not talking during class?

Could it possibly be learning how to handle problems from other children who also don’t know how to handle problems? The blind leading the blind way of learning?

Did, “sticks and stones may break my bones but words will never hurt me,” serve you well with your work place disputes? How about, “I’m rubber, you’re glue, whatever bounces off of me sticks to you.” I bet that has worked really well in your marital disuptes.

Is it the fact that you spend your day being surrounded by people only of your age? People who will neither be your role model, nor allow you to be a role model? Perhaps it’s the lack of challenge to rise to an occasion because you aren’t around people with different interests or capabilities?

The low expectation your teacher will have of you since the bar is often set to the lowest achiever in class since the class must stay together as a whole and not be designed based on skills or abilities. I’m sure this mirrors the work place where your boss only expects you to perform to the lowest achiever and then promotes you each year anyway.

Or maybe it’s the empathy, patience or compassion your don’t get the opportunity to show and practice by being around those younger than you.

Could be it’s the inability to set boundaries or have control over your social life because most schools require an, “everyone must be included,” attitude to every social situation, regardless of if you like that person or not?

Maybe it’s being stuck for 12 years in the same building (and probably at least 1 of the same classes) as a bully before you can finally set a boundary and do what adults do and remove themselves from toxic people, or file complaints with HR.

It might even be the awesome quality that you adapt of not asking questions for fear of looking stupid, continuing on in the face of uncertainty with your education, and never exploring anything deeply because the clock is always ticking down until the next class. If you’re too interested in a subject, you’re a nerd. If you’re not interested enough, you’re a loser. So “socialization,” teaches you how to avoid either target and just do what needs to get done to survive, not to thrive.

Perhaps it’s spending 8 hours a day in a school setting where you don’t have the opportunity to freely socialize and deeply connect with your friends, all to go home and spend the rest of the evening doing homework, to then have to pick between family time or friend time in the evenings and on weekends.

It could be the adult to child ratio. A setting where there are not enough adults to actually see every facet of child interaction to adequately help them learn social skills in the younger years, only enough to keep them from severely injuring themselves. A ratio where the easiest rule and response tends to be, “everyone involved gets in trouble,” and, “I don’t want to hear tattling.”

If, by school socialization, you’re implying you won’t figure out how to sit down, shut up, only learn what you’re force fed, not have an understanding of deep and quality relationships until your 30’s, dealing with peer pressure rather than following your own passions, and learning to fit into someone else’s small box, then you’re right. They will not be learning socialization. So, instead, let’s call it, “they’ll spend the next 18 years at home practicing their adult level communication and living skills that will serve them for the following 80 years of their life, rather than spending 18 years practicing child level socialization skills that will fail them the minute they are 18 and thrown to the wolves of the real world.

But sure, let’s try the eat or be eaten model of public school for social skills. Why not.”